i got my philosophy

3 bigs in songggg

2009-06-07T20:44:01Z

I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

I sing,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
-t

Do you wanna be my sidedish friend?
Cuz I'll miss you if you go for good, yeah
We can stay together 'til the very end of time
If it's understood...

That I don't want you hangin' out with me
But I want you when I call
We can stay together separately
And we won't be lonely at all

Oh boy, oh boy, I got to think about that, oh boy

Do you wanna be the one on hold?
Cuz you know I'll always come right back, yeah
We can find a quiet place for both of us to go
If you always know...

That I don't want you hangin' out with me
But I want you when I call
We can stay together separately
And we won't be lonely at all

Oh boy, oh boy, I got to think about that cuz

Everytime (everytime)
I think I'm alright (I think I'm doing alright)
I think I'll win you over
I hear you say...

That I don't want you hangin' out with me
But I want you when I call
We can stay together separately
And we won't be lonely at all

I don't want to get too close to you
And I don't want you close to me
There's a backdoor waiting just for you
If this isn't what you need
-k

I heard the sound of your bike
As your wheels hit the gravel
Then your engine in the driveway
Cutting off

And I pushed through the screen door
And I stood out on the porch
Thinking:
Fight, fight, fight
At all costs

But instead, I let you in
Just like I've always done
And I sat you down and offered you a beer

And across the kitchen table
I fired several rounds
But you were still sitting there
When the smoke cleared

And you came crawling back
To say that you wanna
Make good in the end
And oh, oh
Let me count the ways
That I abhor you

And you were never a good lay
And you were never a good friend
But, oh, oh, what else can I say?
I adore
You

All I need is my leather
One t-shirt and two socks
I'll keep my hands warm
In your pockets, and you can use
The engine block

And we'll ride out to California
With my arms around your chest
And I'll pretend that this is real
'Cause this is what I like best

And you've been juggling two women
Like a stupid circus clown
Telling us both we are the one
And maybe you can keep me
From ever being happy
But you're not gonna stop me
From having fun

So let's go before I change my mind
I'll leave the luggage of all your lies behind
'Cause I am bigger
Than everything that came before

And you were never very kind
And you let me way down every time
But oh, oh, oh what can I say?
I adore
You

I heard the sound of your bike
As your wheels hit the gravel
Then your engine in the driveway
Cutting off...
-m

identity crisis much

2009-05-15T03:25:11Z

new hair
new dog
new tattoo
new car
new computer
new degree to be worked on

maybe i oughta slow down. id say this was a mid life crisis but i hate to think im mid life at this point.

Better Now

2009-04-17T01:32:00Z

i would like to preface this by saying im feeling so much better its insane.

okay so now alright so ive wasted the last year or so of my life on a blip! just a blip on the radar! ugh thats slightly annoying. so essentially i would outline my life as two teachers, a big spike, and two blips. and why i never know the blips are blips until time has gone by is seriously irritating, it would save so much time and energy if i could immediately know theyre really nothing. also that im evidently still not past spike, man, therapy can really drag a lot out of you haha. if only there was a fix for not living in the past, ill just go with faulkner on that one "the past isnt dead. it isnt even past." yup that makes me feel a little better.

in other news its like 30 days i think til i graduate. then two days after that til i start grad school, awesome. then summer which means summer job.

also i am really really wanting my third tattoo. then i think i oughta stop. but i better get a move on number threeee if i want it before summer cause the sun is coming!

you won, so i lost

2009-02-12T15:20:23Z

how could you do nothing
and say, i'm doing my best
how could you take almost everything
and then come back for the rest
how could you beg me to stay,
reach out your hands and plead
and then pack up your eyes and run away
as soon as i agreed

it just all slips
away so slowly
you don't even notice till you've lost a lot
i've been like one of those zombies
in vegas
pouring quarters into a slot
and now i'm tired
and i am broke
and i feel stupid and i feel used
and i'm at the end of my little rope
and i am swinging back and forth
about you

before it gets so cold
that the rain turns to snow
there's just a couple things
i'd like to know

what it's like

2008-09-30T12:34:48Z

sleepwalking through the all-nite drugstore
baptized in flourescent light
i found religion in the greeting card aisle
now i know hallmark was right
and every pop song on the radio
is suddenly speaking to me
yeah, art may imitate life
but life imitates t.v.
'cuz you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days
and let's just say that things look different now
different in so many ways

i used to be a superhero
no one could touch me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

if i was dressed in my best defenses
would you agree to meet me for coffee
if i did my tricks with smoke and mirrors
would you still know which one was me
if i was naked and screaming
on your front lawn
would you turn on the light and come down
screaming, there's the asshole
who did this to me
stripped me of my power
stripped me down

i used to be a superhero
no one could touch me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

yeah you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days
and now i'm a different person
different in so many ways
tell me what did you like about me
don't say my strength and daring
'cuz now i think i'm at your mercy
and it's my first time for this kind of thing

i used to be a superhero
i would swoop down and save me
from myself
you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else
i am worse than everybody else

bitter heart

2008-09-11T04:22:02Z

i miss my best friend a whole lot.

but what if he doesnt feel the same way about me?

that would be all out awful.

goal

2008-05-11T16:47:10Z

im getting so much closer to having an unoffendable heart!

definition

2008-04-15T22:00:55Z

du·plic·i·tous

adj.

Given to or marked by deliberate deceptiveness in behavior or speech.

Adj.

duplicitous - marked by deliberate deceptiveness especially by pretending one set of feelings and acting under the influence of another; "she was a deceitful scheming little thing"- Israel Zangwill; "a double-dealing double agent"; "a double-faced infernal traitor and schemer"- W.M.Thackeray

double-dealing, double-tongued, two-faced, Janus-faced, double-faced, ambidextrous, deceitful

dishonest, dishonorable - deceptive or fraudulent; disposed to cheat or defraud or deceive

whores_hustle @ 2008-03-01T20:47:00

2008-03-02T01:47:59Z

i guess im gonna give up

ruh roh

2008-02-10T07:58:18Z

do i push it down
or let it run me right into the ground?

commence

2008-02-07T17:31:08Z

self destruction.

TELL THE TRUTH

2008-02-04T17:03:48Z

everywhere people stare
each and every day
i can see them laugh at me
and i hear them say

hey youve got to hide your love away
hey youve got to hide your love away

how can i even try
i can never win
hearing them, seeing them
in the state im in

how could they say to me
love will find a way
gather round all you clowns
let me hear you say

hey youve got to hide your love away
hey youve got to hide your love away

whores_hustle @ 2008-01-09T01:41:00

2008-01-09T06:41:38Z

it's just as i feared
i have come undone

whores_hustle @ 2008-01-03T01:47:00

2008-01-03T06:48:09Z

IN MY LIFE I LOVE WHO MORE? !!

makes no sense to me

2007-12-22T20:12:59Z

ugh life. i really dont even want to be home, like legitamately, for the first time of my college life.

i dont know what im doing other than making a terrible mess.

abandon

2007-11-11T05:50:36Z

taken for granted, used, and very very alone.

it's always when you need it the most that it isnt obvious. its no one's fault but i wish it was different.

someone do something nice for me soon.

well well well

2007-10-30T21:57:28Z

Over and over and over again
I say that we're just friends

Forget the implications
Infatuations end
If loves so easy, why is it hard
I can't imagine ever being apart
I'll come back to you
Itd be brand new
But I promise
We're just friends

Over and over and over again
I try to make amends
For everything that I've done wrong
My whole world just ends
Make some coffee, hold me up
Try to talk me out of giving up
I'll come back to you
It'll be brand new
But I promise
We're just friends

why pt. 2

2007-08-30T05:54:59Z

i was visiting last night and now at 1:52am, i am waiting the return visit. i'll never understand why this is the way we are.

say,

2007-08-27T17:13:32Z

hey i'm doing alright.

i'm doing just fine.

whores_hustle @ 2007-08-13T15:25:00

2007-08-13T19:25:59Z

the art of ending things round three:

new beginnings.

nobody's fool

2007-08-11T05:26:55Z

how much easier would life be if i was a simple minded girl happy with a bone thrown her way ever now and again.

pff. that will never be good enough for me.

i realized this, and the difference is, hopefully, that i'm glad i can see it for all that it is.

getting in too deep

2007-08-06T05:23:34Z

i think i talk about the same shit ad nauseam. i just really dont know what to do. its even less obvious then last time around, which is funny since you'd think i'd have picked up the knowledge to make this easier. obviously i havent learned at all cause if i was really any smarter i wouldnt even have to be writing this right now.
things seem to be different this time, yet theyre still not different enough, which makes having to make a choice on what to do real hard.

i suppose now i just wait for the moment of clarity to come.

in summary

2007-07-26T19:10:53Z

love hurts, love scars
love wounds, and mars any heart
not tough or strong enough
to take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain
love hurts ooh ooh love hurts

i'm young, i know, but even so
i know a thing or two, and i learned from you
i really learned a lot, really learned a lot
love is like a flame, it burns you when its hot
love hurts ooh ooh love hurts

some fools think of happiness
blissfulness togetherness
some fools fool themselves i guess
they're not foolin me

i know it isnt true, i know it isnt true
love is just a lie made to make you blue
love hurts

all the same

2007-07-13T04:15:48Z

I dont mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I dont like illusions I cant see
Them clearly
I dont care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I dont mind
I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
Suddenly
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breath you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or Right
Black or White
If I close my eyes
Its all the same

In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
Its all the same

Go ahead say it
You're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are now
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

now i cant tell you apart

2007-07-08T15:51:48Z

i wasnt joking when i said goodbye.

i let things go back to the way they were before i ended them, and now i have to wonder why. a super close friend to me but ist it worth the harm it causes? i've already been through so much i seriously doubt either one of us will hold on in the face of much turmoil. at least, i know i cant. i already feel the nerves and a former irrational self creeping back in, and i cant do it again. i dont want to be that person, i cant be that person again. i hated myself for it and its just not/wouldnt be fair. thats why this time is different, been there done that, know better.

painful to me
pierce right through me
cant you understand?